BRBPR... & hipsters

Today I realized two things:

1) BRBPR does not stand for "be right back, personal relations". It stands for bright red blood per rectum.

2) You can't spell PBR without BRBPR!

So if I suck at sex I won't get this?

Are You Experienced? - Jimi Hendrix (1967)

We have our sex test tomorrow! It is disgusting. I have seen a lot of penises--bleeding, ulcerated, swollen penises. Upside (OH GOD I TOTALLY DIDN'T THINK THERE WOULD BE ONE), the female genital tract is pretty fascinating. Downside, I am now worried that I'm going to get cervical cancer. Or some weird ovarian cancer (there are a lot of them and I haven't looked at those lecture notes yet).

NBME: Behavioral Science

Our National Board of Medical Examiners Behavioral Science subject exam is in two-and-a-half hours. I am haphazardly reading through all our notes as quickly as possible. Our Clinical Neuroscience professor composed a powerpoint with 1,326 slides. It is a fun romp through various topics, both interesting and trite. Although some things are just entirely unexpected:

Well we were talking about Freud. 

Full Circle

I still suck at board review tuesdays, but I seem to have developed a pattern of writing in every eight days, so expect me to write about something, I suppose, next Friday.

Although the real reason I haven't had anything to write about concerning boards is because I haven't studied. At all. For over a week. For over eight days.

I'm freaking out, but instead of doing something about it (namely, study) I seem incapable of doing anything productive.

I mean I'm studying for school, but school grades don't matter. Hah!

Eventually I'll probably get out of this slump. I can't imagine cramming for the boards. That sounds like a hell no one deserves, no matter how undisciplined, dumb, currently care free, or beautiful* that person may be.

Speaking of actual school, I'm excited for class tomorrow because our hit-or-miss pathology class will be hopefully educating the idiots in my class about what diabetes is. And honestly, I could learn some more about type 2 diabetes too. I'm sick of how much stuff we know about diabetes that isn't mine. I've been skimming tomorrow morning's notes for fun.... Wrong word... curiosity. Looks like a genetic component for type 1 diabetes has been proven in white people. Which is great for me, a curious, half-white person of child-bearing age who really wants to know if my genes are defective or if I'm just unlucky. I want, nay, need to get sequenced. Besides the diabetes I am literally perfect**.

Fortunately there is at least one amazing thing about the lecture notes for tomorrow:

Borg Picard in a diabetes lecture?! 

DAMN! I'm watching television (I was not kidding, I am a failure) and I just heard Lucy Liu say the word "neutrophil." Apparently she's an ex-doctor on the television show Elementary. I approve. And I am feeling pretty lucky. Maybe I will study tomorrow.

*I needed a pick-me-up.

**I still needed a pick-me-up.

Baby Sunglasses

So today in pathology we learned about my favorite organ, the liver. But sometimes baby livers don't work as well as they should, and so babies are born with jaundice of the newborn (which sounds a lot better than hemolytic disease of the newborn but what do I know about newborns as a barren 23 year old?). Regardless, our professor was explaining that one of her children had this condition fresh out the womb, and they had to keep it overnight at the hospital in a light box*, and it was apparently incredibly traumatic for her. I suppose I can understand her emotional trauma. You're technically supposed to bond with your baby like, as soon as it's born, so to have it in a plastic box would kind of put me on edge. What if the baby ends up liking UV rays more than mommy? And as a young adult in college it gets more oxytocin visiting tanning salons than calling its own mother? Then it probably gets skin cancer (because it's probably white) because it can't stay away from L.A. Tan. #whitepeopleproblems

MY experience with jaundice of the newborn is much more amusing. I was beyond excited/curious during the gestation of my little sister, Erisa. One of my earliest memories is tapping on my mom's stomach to assess whether or not it actually contained a human or if my mom was just being lazy and taking weeks off of work to lie in bed. Regardless, when my baby sister Erisa was born she had a little jaundice. But we got to take her home, and so in the yellow walls of our home's nursery, I got to observe my little sister converting unconjugated bilirubin to photobilirubin while wearing super cool little baby sunglasses that I was hella jealous of. And so began my love/annoyance with my little sister. And my appreciation of cool shades.


*Why would you ever put a newborn in a light box?: You put babies with too much bilirubin/jaundice in light boxes because it converts the insoluble bilirubin into photobilirubin which is soluble and can be excreted in the urine. A lot of bad things can happen if you let bilirubin build up in a newborn, but by far the worst is kernicterus, which is a condition that damages the brain.

More Good News Everyone!

Alcohol is good for you! But only in moderation. This fact is best illustrated by the J-curve, which suggests that not drinking at all and heavy daily intoxication are equally dangerous for you and your health. Suck it teetotalers (read: Utah)! Regardless, it appears that the range of 1-50 g/d is the healthiest for you, which is equal to 1-4 drinks per day. Even at my most debaucherous  I usually don't go 4+ drinks more than once or twice a month.

However, the most successful drinking plan involves lower levels of intoxication for a longer period of time. Which means you shouldn't drink more than 1 drink/hour. Which means! I get to drink for four hours! Every day! Good thing I start with dinner. 

C ut-Back

A nnoyed

G uilty

E ye-Opener

Questionnaire.

Good News: i'm not a heavy alcohol user.

I fall somewhere in between binge and heavy drinking. Thanks science!

Borg Metaphor

So as the Borg are spreading across the Delta quadrant, they're behaving like prion proteins, taking similar proteins (humanoids) and converting them into a more Borg friendly model. 

Honestly, I don't think prion proteins are cubes, but such was the capricious nature of this powerpoint presentation and so I just spent the last ten minutes making this .gif. 

On the problems of the DSM-IV-TR

Seems about right...

Seriously though, everything in medicine is really hard to pronounce, which is why there are 1000s of abbreviations.

Compliments of the Charming Cindy Chen

You've got Parrot Fever, Boy! Parrot Fever!

Dammit! You're supposed to suck!

The sad part is that I actually am really excited to learn the differences between aneurysms and dissections.

Manic depressive right here.

I think....

I'm also really excited about clinical neuroscience.

Dammit medical school! You're supposed to suck!

Gotta Catch 'Em All

I only have to collect heart, kidney, liver, and lung disease before I win something!

Got my flu shot today. It was actually awesome for two reasons: 1) it was the first time I ever got to check yes to the question: "Are you a healthcare worker?" and 2) needles just keep getting smaller! It was literally painless.

It was also, somehow, free. So thanks America, for always having my back (it's the least you could do after you presumably gave me asthma.... we need cleaner air damn it!!!) But still, Walgreens' Pharmacy, specifically at my Walgreens, is always a pleasure and has re-instilled my faith in  health care.

Now I just need to find a family physician... to deal with my multitude of health problems (see above).

Smiling Segs

I just want that polychromatophilic erythrocyte to know that there is nothing funny about three hours of anemia-centric lecturing.

And that it should stop smiling because it's making everyone else feel bad.


[8:47 am, Sep 24 UPDATE]: That's actually not a polychromatophilic erythrocyte: It's a polymorphonuclear leukocyte, a neutrophil if you will (hehehe, half-rhymes). Regardless, it's a good thing I know that now, because I have an exam in less than five hours. Hurrah.

Retinoblastoma (gross)

Pathology, you have a penchant for understatement. 

There's no black or white answer to the question: "Are you studying?"

Clicker Farm

 Some people don't live in North Chicago. But to get extra credit you have to use your clicker in 70% of the classes. Consequently, a lot of clickers end up mysteriously in class, on the desk of someone who doesn't own them.

I hope PETA doesn't get upset about this, because the clickers are treated with the upmost respect.

Just a little biased....

GUESS WHICH GENETIC MUTATION I HAVE!

Read Between the Lines

We have a pathology professor--he seems like a nice, funny man--who's voice slowly deteriorates from a standard, older person's grumble to a dying, dehydrated, lip smacking affair. It's his third hour of lecturing. I get it. You need water. I understand this.

WELL THEN GET A DRINK OF WATER.

I should explain. I can't stand several things in this world of a billion annoyances. But the thing that bothers me a lot and is also quite common is hearing. people's. mouths. Mouths are disgusting, disgusting places. In general I can't stand the sound of people eating. This bothers me to no end. I have had to yell at people to stop, I have gotten into so many annoying fights with my little sister who--is an amazing person--but who needs to understand that I simply can't stand listening to other people eating and no, I will not get over it. F*CK that. I AM ACTUALLY ENRAGED RIGHT NOW. Because I am sitting in class and my professor, teaching pathology--an amazing course--keeps making eating sounds over his goddamn microphone. I swear to God I might leave. I want to leave. Maybe I'll put in headphones.

I have put in headphones. I no longer want to pay attention in class, however, and am pretty upset. The only other times I feel this irrationally upset, I am usually PMSing. I know it's irrational, but I am clearly having a physiological response. My breathing is shallower, more rapid--my chest is tightening. I may pass out. 

Worst of all, this is now affecting my note taking. BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, when something doesn't make sense, I get slightly upset. When I am already upset and things don't make sense, I break down.

Medicine is not for the easily incensed.

Yes, what is immunotherapy?

Seriously though.... #stockphotofail