Studying for boards is driving me into a murderous rage. It is a combination of self-hatred for not studying more earlier and the incredible disbelief that they want us to know so much.
Also I keep getting diabetic questions wrong on UWORLD, which is probably the most depressing thing. You think you understand the process of something fully only to find there are perverted ways of asking questions that make you question what you once knew as true.
This is hell. I also have normal human being things to worry about, but I'm not paying attention to them anymore. I need to cash checks. I need to move. I need to get a new phone. I haven't checked my blood sugar in three days because I lost my glucometer while trying to pack up my apartment. So that should freak me out. But it doesn't. What makes me chuck the First Aid review book across the room as hard as possible is not the fact that my life has deteriorated to this point where I don't care about my own health and safety. No, it is the realization that I don't know how Rifampin works. I haven't been this angry since I studied carbohydrate metabolism in Biochemistry--a class I was desperately failing. I actually flipped a table when I realized memorizing all the intermediates and enzymes that metamorphose glucose was not going to be enough to do well on the exam.
That's how I feel right now. That I know a lot, but that come test day, everything I know either A) won't be tested or B) won't be enough to answer enough questions correctly.
But I have come way too far to fall apart in the next 12 days and fail Step 1 on June 1st.
12 days.
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