Thalassic

Thalassic is defined as "of or relating to the sea." Thalassemias are hematological conditions in which you don't produce adequate amounts of certain proteins that compose your hemoglobin (the stuff that carries oxygen around on your RBCs).

The name for this condition comes from the prevalence of this condition around the Mediterranean Sea, essentially: you live around a sea and your blood is messed up. However, another translation of Thalassemia would be something like.... "Blood full of the sea" or "Sea Blood" which sounds to me like the exact opposite of Land Lubber. I love it.

Unfortunately, there is a wide spectrum of how severe a thalassemia can be: from clinically silent to death in utero. 

13 days, 23 hours

I pushed back my test 10 days. I wasn't hitting what I wanted to get on my practice exams, and it didn't seem realistic that I'd get to that target in five days, no matter how much I studied. Also, I've probably spent over $1000 on books and reviews for this exam and all the courses it supposedly covers. I'd like to at least skim all the materials I have.

Oddly, my stress headache has returned. Which is impairing my ability to study. You can't overdose on Ibuprofen right? Damn it. I should know this.

HOLY .... ! IT'S ACTUALLY A TUESDAY! This update on my progressive is appropriately timed, then. And I'm taking the exam on a Tuesday. That bodes well, doesn't it? 

6 days, 20 hours

Continuing on with how poorly my body handles stress:

I've developed BPPV (benign paroxysmal positional vertigo) and the skin on my outer ear (my auricle) is peeling off and scabbing over and it is thoroughly gross.

I was going to claim that I have trichotillomania (compulsive pulling of hair) or dermatillomania (compulsive picking at skin), but apparently these are serious conditions. And even though I can't sit still and not pull my hair or pick scabs while I study, I feel absolutely fine when I get up to do something else (that's a lie. I never feel fine anymore).

Regardless, my exam is in 6 days and 20 hours. I have a box of Pop-Tarts, a box of Teddy Grahams, Hansen's natural cane soda, Fruity pebbles, and a box of Quaker Chewy bars. I also have about 65 more hours of lectures to watch. So.......

Rifampin blocks RNA Polymerase.

Okay, so I think I was being a tad melodramatic. True, this level of stress and constant cramming is incredibly dangerous to my health: I have lesions on the mucous membrane of my mouth, I bruise much more readily than ever before, I see so few people that I talk to myself and drag my teddy bear everywhere I go for companionship.
So I lied to myself. I'm going to pass step 1. Now I'm just studying. Not for a good score. Not to pass. But simply to learn. And it is fun. I'll tell you why:
There are fundamental concepts I just don't understand--never understood them--but now I have a chance to solidify the simplest things, and hopefully memorizing from this point will get easier as I develop a stronger framework.
I should have anticipated this earlier--I barely passed all my classes last year. UWorld tells me my worst subject is Physiology. Uh... what?That's not good! Physio is pretty much everything in medicine without a proper name (because pathology is actually everything in medicine, but it's just so obnoxious with all of it's diseases named after now dead jerks). So now I'm just focusing on physiology for a few more days than I originally planned. And I feel like that'll be alright.
Honestly, I just want to sound like I know what I'm taking about--even if it's just vaguely--when I step into surgery July 1st.
Speaking of....!!! I finally know the difference between prothrombim time, partial prothrombin time, and bleeding time! It was so simple I don't understand how biochemistry AND pathology overexplained it to a point where it didn't make sense. But it's probably also my fault, considering I thought plasma cells were platelets until recently. I AM DUMB.
For know...

UWorld Blues & A Murderous Rage

Studying for boards is driving me into a murderous rage. It is a combination of self-hatred for not studying more earlier and the incredible disbelief that they want us to know so much.

Also I keep getting diabetic questions wrong on UWORLD, which is probably the most depressing thing. You think you understand the process of something fully only to find there are perverted ways of asking questions that make you question what you once knew as true.

This is hell. I also have normal human being things to worry about, but I'm not paying attention to them anymore. I need to cash checks. I need to move. I need to get a new phone. I haven't checked my blood sugar in three days because I lost my glucometer while trying to pack up my apartment. So that should freak me out. But it doesn't. What makes me chuck the First Aid review book across the room as hard as possible is not the fact that my life has deteriorated to this point where I don't care about my own health and safety. No, it is the realization that I don't know how Rifampin works. I haven't been this angry since I studied carbohydrate metabolism in Biochemistry--a class I was desperately failing. I actually flipped a table when I realized memorizing all the intermediates and enzymes that metamorphose glucose was not going to be enough to do well on the exam.

That's how I feel right now. That I know a lot, but that come test day, everything I know either A) won't be tested or B) won't be enough to answer enough questions correctly.

But I have come way too far to fall apart in the next 12 days and fail Step 1 on June 1st.

12 days.