Professionalism

I recently had a terrifying thought. I can no longer afford to be a "child." Sociologists have been talking about the prolonged period of childhood that young Americans are currently enjoying. Unfortunately for me, my mother, the perpetuating essence of childhood, works at the institution where I am attempting to become a "professional." Why should I worry about anything that may deal with being a professional when I can have my mom tell me what to do? What to wear? What to say? and whom to talk to?

This afternoon I had an exercise that thrust me into the position of mocking an actual doctor. A doctor. All my life, no matter how close I got to the field, I guess it never occurred to me that I'd ever actually become a physician. There was always a way out. A way to be less responsible. Jail time. Artistry. Hell, even suicide. But no. I am twenty-two years old and I am still alive. And I still want to help people discover health for themselves. I will talk more about my experience in the EEC lab, but for now I will just say, the entire practice slapped some sense into me. Dreadful sense.

I have an apartment now. I have a dishwasher. I still haven't put all my clothes, the few clothes I've brought with me, onto hangers. And as I laid in my living room, next to a basket holding my clothes, looking at a ceiling that belonged to me for the next two years, I realized I could no longer just put off "cleaning my room" for a later date, for the next Wednesday when my mother would walk in, arms akimbo, telling me that the cleaners were coming and if I wanted the crumbs and dirt vacuumed up off my floor, I better get at it.

The problem is, I don't know if I'm ready. I went back home tonight, to pick up some things... things to help me study. I have a giant Anatomy book now. The pictures are fantastic. And I have my dad's old chemistry set so I can build the twenty amino acid structures like so many lincoln logs or legos, stacked on top of each other. I am a child. I love learning. I always will. But am I ready to learn for the betterment of other people? Or am I still a selfish, small child?



I need to become a pediatrician. I need to work among my peers.